For lack of a better word, guilt is the only one I can think of to describe how I feel. Last week Blake was diagnosed after counseling for 3 months. He has GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Unfortunately I haven't had a lot of time to research this disorder in detail however what I have read sounds just like Blake.
The more I read the worse I feel but I have to research this until I understand it completely, a total personality flaw in myself but I can't help it! He is in a constant state of worry and with help with learning coping skills we are hoping to get him to enjoy life a little.
This poor kid just hasn't had it easy. His brain just wasn't developed like most. His brain processes the way it sees things and he lacks logic. He has had an IEP (individualized Education Plan) since he was in 2nd grade. He has to go to special ed. Although next year, on his move toIEP and he won't go to the resource room. I am so proud of his accomplishments! He has worked hard and I believe he can do school work and anything else he sets his mind too.
Back to the guilt. I blame myself for his struggles and wonder every day how I could have done things differently for him. I pray every day for him is a better day and that one day he may justeverything and everyone.
Even with all the guilt I am relieved to have a diagnosis and research is what is needed now so I can help him at home as well. middle school he will be exited from his fall asleep without worrying about
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Guilt
Posted by Heidi at 6:00 AM
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3 comments:
Oh Heidi! How could you know?? I had stomach aches for a year in the fourth grade culminating with appendicitis...I went to counseling, etc...it was horrible!! What I know from Kirk being in dental school, and being around lots of medical students...is that Dr's most of the time are just guessing...they DON'T know...don't be so hard on yourself...and also...don't be too quick to jump on any bandwagon with diagnosing...(it sounds like you have read up...and see similarities...) if and when you feel like something is 'off'...go with your gut...MOM's KNOW Heidi...trust your instinct. You are a wonderful mother who cares and deeply loves her children. xoxo Love, Meg
Oh Heidi, I agree with Megan...you can't beat yourself up over something that you don't have any control over! I know how you feel...every mom blames themselves for anything that goes wrong with their children. Heck, I cried for a good hour over Keric having ear infections and wondering what I could have done differently! :) Just keep doing what you are doing...supporting him, and giving him the help and love that he already has from you!! :)
Oh Heidi I am in tears reading your post!!!!!!!!!! YOu are a WONDERFUL MOM!!! and dont let anyone tell you different and poor blaker give my big guy a hug for me~~ I am just so sad that he has to go through all this at such a young age!!!!
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